Carvalho: So Dull, Paint Drying Is Exciting

 

Dearest gentle readers,

Some books leave a lasting impact because they’re exciting, meaningful, or make readers think. Carvalho is not one of those books.

It probably ended up in the syllabus with good intentions.Maybe someone thought it had something valuable to offer. But honestly, it’s just pointless and painfully boring. The story drags on forever, the characters feel like they’re just standing around, and the writing makes even simple ideas feel complicated. It’s hard to imagine a book less engaging.

Even though Carvalho is about as thrilling as watching grass grow, the professor refuses to let the class give up on it. She tries everything ;Dramatic readings, activities, even comparing it to popular movies just to make it seem a little less painful. At one point, they even tried linking it to Pygmalion, hoping to find some deeper connection.  

The strangest part? The novel actually has some science in it. There’s even a whole bit about a flying lizard, which should have been fascinating. But somehow, it wasn’t. Instead of making things exciting, it just blended into the never-ending dullness of the story. Then there were the jokes, if they could even be called that. Either they were too dry to notice, or they simply weren’t funny. The whole thing felt like a missed opportunity.

If the story itself wasn’t already forgettable, the characters certainly don’t help. The narrator is so easily influenced that it’s impossible to take him seriously. Mandanna somehow manages to make every wrong decision possible, almost like he’s going out of his way to be as clueless as possible. And then there’s Carvalho, who is supposedly the main character, yet the only real thing known about him is that he’s a scientist. He just… exists, and shows up whenever.

To make things even more frustrating, Carvalho spends most of the book saving and defending Mandanna from his own terrible decisions regarding the "sour honey". 

If Carvalho has accomplished anything, it’s making class feel longer than it actually is. Every time a slow passage drags on, my friend sitting next to me gives me a look that says, Are we seriously still reading this? The deep sighs, the doodles in the margins, the desperate glances at the clock, it’s the only thing that makes this bearable. When the professor finally takes attendance, it feels like a tiny victory. One step closer to freedom, until we realise oh wait we have another English class right after!!

At this point, the only thing keeping me going is the finish line. The last page can’t come soon enough. Not every book is meant to be a page-turner, and that’s okay. But if Carvalho has taught me anything, it’s that some stories are easier to survive with a friend suffering next to you.

A few chapters stand between me and the finish line, let’s hope I don’t pass out from boredom!

Alas, I must now take my leave, lest this tale drain the last remnants of my spirit. May we never speak of this again.